See this story at BrooklynDaily.com.
By Carmine Santa Maria
Brooklyn Daily
I’m madder than the city worker who piled up as much overtime possible to boost his pension then got hit by a car when he went to cash his first retirement check over the fact that I never feel safe crossing the streets in this city unless I have a crossing guard there to get me and Tornado where we gotta go — and no expense should be spared to make sure me and my fellow seniors are safe.
Look, you all know the ol’Screecher is a victim of hunger pangs more than a few times a day, and every time they hit the only remedy for me is to hop on Tornado and head over to Bread Plus on Bay 50th Street for a loaf of Italian bread, which I eat on the way home to cure my ills. So you wouldn’t be surprised to learn how excited I was when I found out Borough President Adams wants to make the job of crossing guard full-time — and move them to places where they can help people my age get across the street without getting hit by a bus.
Of course, this is a great idea for a number of reasons, most important of which is the fact that if I ever got hit by a bus, the damage I would do to it would be so severe and cost so much to fix that it is clearly in the city’s interest to make sure that it never happens — and that doesn’t even count the lawsuit I’d file for that scratch on Tornado’s side that caused me so much pain and suffering!
I bring this up because of all of this hullabaloo in the media recently about raising the minimum wage. Folks, you all know where I sit atop Tornado on this one — don’t stop with the minimum wage! What about my Social Security and my pension? We all could use a little more pennies in our deep pockets, because the more dough I can stuff into the mattress under the floorboards in the attic, the better!
And these crossing guards, who do so much for the city — and me in particular — are really in need of a raise! They are out there school day in and school day out, rain or shine, making sure our kids get to and from their learning institution safe and on time!
Yet nobody’s demanding $15 an hour for them to support their families or to get them out of the poverty-level wages I think they receive. Where are the television cameras to record their heroics? Alas, poor Yorick, something’s rotten in Denmark, also a lot rottener in our fair city of Gotham!
Take my crossing guard Anna, who gets me across Harway Avenue so I can safely get my aforementioned bread. She tells me she’s out there in the cold and the heat, risking her life to make this city better. But she has to work a split shift, leaving once all the kids are in school, and coming back when they are leaving. Now, what if I get hungry at noon, and I need to get to the bakery? I can’t, because Anna won’t be back until 2:30! And who is to say I won’t get hungry again at 1:30? Fact of the matter is, Anna not being there to get me across the street keeps me from spending my bread on my bread. You don’t have to be a Poindexter to realize that this city policy is bad for the economy — and it needs to get fixed posthaste! And speaking of our honorable elected officials and their wannabes for their slots, how about New York’s attorney general giving every television viewer a sunburn from his bright red make-up emanating from his constant ads every 20 minutes. Here’s the Screecher’s Pro Tip to Scheinderman: fire your makeup artist before you blind us all!
By the way, it is once again time for the Carmine Awards! The Bensonhurst West End Community Council will hold its 54th Annual Gala at the fabulous El Caribe, and we are accepting nominations for our Man, Woman, Couple, Educator, and Humanitarian of the Year Awards. Submit your to BWECC@aol.com for consideration!
Screech at you next week!