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NOT FOR NUTHIN’: Joanna needs a haven from “Haven”

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See this story at BrooklynDaily.com.

By Joanna DelBuono

Brooklyn Daily

“Haven” has returned and I’m “Lost.”

The Syfy channel premiered the spooky show on Friday the 13th. Was it perfect? Nope.

I expected some questions to be answered, a few new troubles to be added, and Audrey and Nathan or Audrey and Duke sealing the deal and living happily ever after in quirky Haven. Disappointed yet again. True, it was only one episode and there are so many more to go, but if this one is any indication of the year to come, I’m outta here.

Last season ended with Duke Crocker diving into the barn after Audrey Parker to save her, Nathan Wournos blowing away Agent Howard, and Jordan McKee shot, bleeding on the ground, and dead. Oh my!

The new season picks up six months later. Duke is ejected from the barn and in Boston handcuffed to a hospital bed. Nathan is undercover hiding from the Guard, and Audrey, who is not Audrey with darker hair and a nose ring, has been ejected right into a cheesy bar. Jeesh, she has more lives than a black cat. Okay. Caught up yet?

So on to the new characters.

Jennifer Mason hears conversations from the Barn, which prompts her to appear at the hospital in Boston where Duke is and just in the nick of time saves his butt. She finds him handcuffed to a hospital bed and after a quick convo provides the paper clip and car for him to make his great escape.

William, played by Colin Ferguson, who was Sheriff Jack Carter from “Eureka,” has left his badge behind and is now in town where Audrey Parker, who is not Audrey Parker, but Lexie Dewitt, and tending bar in. William saunters in, like only Colin Ferguson can, and takes on an angry weird guy with a gun who is after Audrey-Lexie, and then calmly sits down, gulps a beer, and tells her she ain’t who she thinks she is and unless she figures out who she really is, many people will die. What a great way to impress the ladies, Colin.

Meanwhile, back at Rancho Haven, the citizens are going through more troubles than you can shake a barn at. Meteors, tornados, ice showers — holy wild weather.

Nathan, found by Duke and Jennifer, returns to town, encounters Jordan (who I thought was dead, but apparently isn’t) and the Guard, now run by Vince Teagues, brother of Dave and co-owner of the Haven Herald.

The Guard wants Nathan dead, but Duke saves the day by convincing the Guard that Nathan is willing to sacrifice his life to save Haven and they let Nathan go. Then Nathan helps the current sheriff, Dwight Hendrickson, formerly of the Guard and a cleaner, save Haven from the bad weather lady, who appeared in episode one and stopped making storms when she fell in love, but her love is now dead hence the wild weather again, and talks her down from freezing the town into ice cubes. Got it? Good, because at the end of last week’s episode, I had to watch it on DVR three more times before I could figure out who was who and what was what.

Not for Nuthin™, but I’m lost in “Haven.” Life was so much easier when all I had to figure out was how the polar bear made it to the jungle.

Follow me on Twitter @JDelBuono.

Joanna DelBuono writes about national issues every Wednesday on BrooklynDaily.com. E-mail her at jdelbuono@cnglocal.com.

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